Who can you call at 2 a.m.?

This question was posed by a friend at dinner with my husband and me. We were talking about life and all its crazy twists and turns and, in particular, our friendship. While we seldom see each other — our dinner was rare and welcome — it was surprisingly lovely to hear him say that Mike and I are on his “2 a.m. call list” if he had an emergency. This got me thinking: Who can I call at 2 a.m.?

Sure, I am fortunate to have a wide net of acquaintances. Yet who is really with me when the going gets rough and takes the whole thick-or-thin notion to a higher level?

I conducted a mental inventory of what qualifies to meet such a distinction. Here is what I realized:

Two a.m. friends will:

• Say “I’ll be right there” after you call with an urgent request.

• Lament at your injustices, real or perceived, and wisely wait to tell you otherwise after the emotional intensity has been turned down a notch.

• Show up at your doorstep with (a) a pan of lasagna (b) brownies (c) Betty Cakes (d) all of the above.

• Listens from the heart.

• Doesn’t try to fix your problem. He/she knows better.

• Tells you when to slow down.

• Tells you when to get moving past whatever inertia is bogging you down.

• Gently suggests you should put down that third serving of Betty Cakes. Too much of a good thing is, well, you know …

Conversely, 2 a.m. friends will not:

• Immediately say you are wrong about an issue.

• Give advice unless you’ve asked for it.

• Ask questions when you need presence and nothing else.

• Ignore your call, email, text.

• Hold his/her own grudge over a slight or argument you’ve both forgotten what its origin was to begin with.

• Doesn’t crush from the weight of what you’re dealing with.

Goodness knows I’m an expert on emergency calls, none by design. And it’s not just 2 a.m. — that’s a metaphor, right? — it’s anytime. When you need help and can’t even articulate what kind of help you need. You just need it. Period.

In my life and relationships, I ascribe to a motto that I stole from my daughter’s place of employment. She works for a critical care teen/life program at a teaching hospital. Its mission statement includes this simple, yet beautiful, principle: “We carry each other.”

A 2 a.m. friend carries you when you are too tired to walk or form a complete sentence or think about the next hour, let alone the next day or year.

A 2 a.m. friend carries you through another person’s betrayals, your own failures (and you’ll have plenty) and your own successes (you’ll have plenty, but be careful, those are often paved with more landmines than your failures). You name it, you’re carried, in big ways and small.

I don’t know what tomorrow holds. Or tonight for that matter. What I do know is I’ve got emotional insurance by those who will answer my call if I need them, 2 a.m. or otherwise.

And what if they need me?

Rest assured, I’ll answer. No matter what. We carry each other.